Trump Misplaces First Lady

Sep 24

Trump Misplaces First Lady

Stop the presses! It has been confirmed by the White House that first lady Melania Trump is missing. Trump announced yesterday that he was unable to find his wife anywhere he looked. In the face of this tragedy, Donald Trump valiantly went to Florida alone to address the first responders to the Hurricane Irma devastation. “Melania really wanted to be with...

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Trump Discovers New African Nation

Sep 21

Trump Discovers New African Nation

From CIA World Factbook Country name: Nambia Introduction: Discovered on September 20, 2017, one day before International World Peace Day and also, coincidentally, Islamic New Year and Jewish New Year, 2017, Nambia is Africa’s best-kept secret. In fact, the Nambians themselves were not aware they existed until Donald Trump, while making America great again,...

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TRUMP’S TOP TEN ACCOMPLISHMENTS DURING THE FIRST 100 DAYS OF THE TRUMPOCALYPSE

Apr 29

TRUMP’S TOP TEN ACCOMPLISHMENTS DURING THE FIRST 100 DAYS OF THE TRUMPOCALYPSE

Hey, gullible fans! Well, it’s been 100 days and Trump hasn’t been assassinated yet, so with great gusto we bring you TRUMP’S TOP TEN ACCOMPLISHMENTS DURING THE FIRST 100 DAYS OF THE TRUMPOCALYPSE 6. In an effort to protect the amazing collection of states they call the USA from anything scary they don’t understand, Trump valiantly banned people with brown skin from...

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Six Christmas Traditions You Can’t Live Without

Dec 23

Six Christmas Traditions You Can’t Live Without

Christmas — that joyous time when families celebrate the birth of their saviour (or someone else’s saviour) by shopping and putting up a pine tree in their living room. Some people are granted a holiday so they can have extra time to devote to buying the perfect gift for every single person they know or are acquainted with and making sure they...

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Five Top Jobs for High-School Dropouts

Nov 18

Five Top Jobs for High-School Dropouts

Did you leave school before the age of fifteen because it all seemed so fucking lame? Are you of the opinion that books are only good for fire starter or door stoppers? Have you ever uttered the words, “I don’t see what we need school for; everything you could possibly ever need to know is on the internet?” Fear not, faithful mouth-breather. You...

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How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Child the Traditional Way

Nov 05

How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Child the Traditional Way

Just look at these lucky little ankle-biters. Life for them is naturally what every parent in the west wants for their child: No Vaccinations No GMOs No gluten No refined sugars No dangerous-sounding chemicals Only pure and natural medicines derived from plants...

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Dozens Killed in Aleppo Bombings after Ceasefire / Brad Shouts Angrily at Angelina after Break Up

Sep 24

Dozens Killed in Aleppo Bombings after Ceasefire / Brad Shouts Angrily at Angelina after Break Up

NEWS NOT NEWS Government and Russian/Iranian-backed warplanes have been bombing Syrian capital Aleppo since Friday, after a week-long ceasefire, killing at least 91, including innocent civilians and children. At least 40 buildings were destroyed in the bombing, which head of Civil Defense Ammar al Selmo called “annihilation in every sense of the word,”...

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