Five Top Jobs for High-School Dropouts

Nov 18

Five Top Jobs for High-School Dropouts

Did you leave school before the age of fifteen because it all seemed so fucking lame? Are you of the opinion that books are only good for fire starter or door stoppers? Have you ever uttered the words, “I don’t see what we need school for; everything you could possibly ever need to know is on the internet?” Fear not, faithful mouth-breather. You...

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How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Child the Traditional Way

Nov 05

How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Child the Traditional Way

Just look at these lucky little ankle-biters. Life for them is naturally what every parent in the west wants for their child: No Vaccinations No GMOs No gluten No refined sugars No dangerous-sounding chemicals Only pure and natural medicines derived from plants...

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Dozens Killed in Aleppo Bombings after Ceasefire / Brad Shouts Angrily at Angelina after Break Up

Sep 24

Dozens Killed in Aleppo Bombings after Ceasefire / Brad Shouts Angrily at Angelina after Break Up

NEWS NOT NEWS Government and Russian/Iranian-backed warplanes have been bombing Syrian capital Aleppo since Friday, after a week-long ceasefire, killing at least 91, including innocent civilians and children. At least 40 buildings were destroyed in the bombing, which head of Civil Defense Ammar al Selmo called “annihilation in every sense of the word,”...

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Lose Pounds and Inches with the Bandwagon Diet!

Sep 08

Lose Pounds and Inches with the Bandwagon Diet!

The latest diet craze to hit bookstores is THE BANDWAGON DIET! How does this amazing diet help you lose those ugly holiday inches from your waistline? Easy – gullibility! New Diet Craze Sweeps North America THE BANDWAGON DIET works for everyone! Just look at these true testimonies from actual people: I used to be fat, but now I’m skinny! Thanks,...

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Suicide Bomber at Turkish Wedding Kills 50 / Rooney Mara Wears Leather and Denim

Aug 22

Suicide Bomber at Turkish Wedding Kills 50 / Rooney Mara Wears Leather and Denim

NEWS NOT NEWS A wedding in Gaziantep, Turkey was the target of a suicide bombing that killed 53, including at least 22 children. The bomber, probably from ISIS, was believed to have been 12 to 14 years old. Gaziantep is near the Syrian border. According to Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdogan, “Daesh is trying to position and organize itself in...

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Gluten is my Spirit Animal

Aug 01

Gluten is my Spirit Animal

Boy, did I crack up a few years ago when I went to the supermarket and found that marshmallows were labelled “fat free.” “What?! Fat-free marshmallows!? Best day ever!” (nom nom nom) (If you aren’t following, marshmallows are made of sugar. All sugar is fat-free. But that doesn’t mean porking out on a big bag of marshmallows is...

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The UK Votes to Leave the European Union / The Kardashians have a Pillow Fight

Jun 27

The UK Votes to Leave the European Union / The Kardashians have a Pillow Fight

NEWS NOT NEWS A referendum allowing UK citizens to vote on whether or not to leave the EU was held on Thursday, June 23, 2016. The “leave” side won by 52 to 48. Scotland and Northern Ireland both had higher showings from the ‘stay’ side, but both countries are part of the UK so the overall vote affects them. The European Union is an economic...

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