TRUMP’S TOP TEN ACCOMPLISHMENTS DURING THE FIRST 100 DAYS OF THE TRUMPOCALYPSE

Apr 29

Hey, gullible fans! Well, it’s been 100 days and Trump hasn’t been assassinated yet, so with great gusto we bring you

TRUMP’S TOP TEN ACCOMPLISHMENTS DURING THE FIRST 100 DAYS OF THE TRUMPOCALYPSE

6. In an effort to protect the amazing collection of states they call the USA from anything scary they don’t understand, Trump valiantly banned people with brown skin from entering – not once, but twice. Scary brown-skinned people included in the ban were late boxing legend Muhammad Ali’s son, Muhammad Ali Jr., and a number of Canadian women feared throughout Canada for their brown skin.

Muhammad Ali Jr trying to enter his home country under strict new anti-brown laws

Muhammad Ali Jr. trying to enter his home country under strict new anti-brown laws (source)

5. With his PI hat on, Trump brilliantly discovered that President Barak Obama is actually a top-secret spy, with stuff like microwave cameras set to spy on DT in the Whitehouse. Thank goodness we can all let out our breath now that the Obama spy ring conspiracy is exposed!

massive reveal in Trump tweet

massive reveal in Trump tweet

4. Trump saved the US taxpayers zillions of dollars by bravely taking away poor people’s new affordable health care that an evil spy otherwise known as Obama gave them. Trump voters were relieved to discover that when Trump said he was going to repeal Obamacare, he was referring only to the affordable health care that they didn’t have.

 

As an added bonus, it is now less complicated to invest in healthcare stocks!

As an added bonus, it is now less complicated to invest in healthcare stocks!

3. Not-my Glorious Leader really showed all those bleeding-heart tree-hugging hippies a thing or two by putting climate change denier Scott Pruit in charge of the Environmental Protection Agency AND greenlighting the Keystone XL pipeline. Nature! Bah! Who needs it?

Trump personally destroying the environment.

Trump personally destroying the environment. (source)

2. Education is important, and Trump improved it the world over by making Alternative Facts free for everyone. Learn some of Trump’s best alternative facts here.

alternative facts coming out of the mouths of really incredibly important intelligent people

Alternative facts coming out of the mouths of really incredibly important intelligent people

  1. For a president, it is vitally important to give back to the people one serves. Trump gives back every day — he boosts the economy by allowing the US taxpayers to pay somewhere between 300,000 and 500,000 / day for his wife and young son to live in New York City. Melania’s living situation also provides employment and gives fewer opportunities for the internet to speculate about her relationship with Donald. Well played, Trump!
first ladies first -- unless your married name is Trump

First ladies first — unless your married name is Trump, LOL (source)

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